Imperfect

I know I joke about who I will end up marrying but I finally feel at peace about being single. I know that my future relationship with a guy will come in God's timing. As much as I hate going against my fleshly desires, I know that at the end of the day I made decisions that are pleasing to God. And that is all I want. I want to please the Lord in all areas of my life. It is hard and I do not succeed in pleasing Him with all that I do but I do try to make a conscious effort to correct myself when I know I’m about to make a bad decision. When I came to Liberty University I thought that I would end up dating different types of guys. A lot of people do end up dating around and many end up in long-term relationships. I am not one of those people. I first had to break out of my shy shell to even make friends. It was difficult at first but only because I didn’t know how to be my own self around strangers. I am so conscious about my actions and words when I am with unfamiliar people. I don’t want to offend people or leave a bad impression on anyone. I want to please everyone in a way. I want to be able to relate to them. So as many other shy people, I am quiet and observant around those I do not know well. After my first year at Liberty I finally made a community of friends that I could call my own. I did not date anyone but I did not care. I was so happy to have come out of my shy shell and actually be known as outgoing. Some people may even consider me as “out there”. LoL.

My summer after freshman year was quite the experience. I decided to live with family in Arkansas. I lived with my Uncle George and his family. They are so loving and Christ-centered. My best friend cousin is also in this family. He was probably a big reason I chose to live in Arkansas. Growing up, he and I would always play together during family reunions. We did just about everything together. Because we weren’t the same gender there was a time when we were not as close in our friendship. But we both grew up in strong Christian homes and have become strong believers in our own personal walk with God. My best friend cousin (bfc) and I are still very close. We talk to each other about a lot of things. It is so good to get a guy’s perspective on life without having to worry about crossing boundaries. My bfc is like a brother to me. It would be very awkward if I were to just talk to a guy friend about some of the things my bfc and I talk about. Now when I say “things” I mean our personal lives and the problems we face or even life lessons we’ve learned from not so good experiences that we probably would not share with too many people.  My summer also included a short-term relationship that I did not plan or expect to take place. I do not regret it but I do wish that I would have really taken into more consideration the distance that would come between us when summer ended. I broke off our relationship mostly because of the distance between us and partly because I felt God leading me to be single. I was not sure why God was leading me to break up with this guy. He was everything I had prayed for as far as a strong Christian man who loved the Lord. He had qualities that attracted me in ways that other guys lacked. Unfortunately, I was not as ready as he was to commit to a long-term, long-distance relationship. I have realized that my walk with God is not where I want it to be as an individual. I have certain issues I need to work through before entering a serious relationship with a guy. I also want to accomplish things such as getting a college degree and travel places like Europe or maybe even the Marshall Islands before I enter into an intimate relationship with a guy. I know that may sound ridiculous but I've always imagined doing so many things as a single woman. I'm not huge on promoting women's independency (lack of needing a man or our parents to depend on for things). I am not trying to send that message in this blog entry. Hopefully God's will is what I am following. In seeking His word every day and praying not just for myself but for the lives I interact with every day I feel that His will for me will be clear. But when I slack in doing such simple tasks I know that I fall and my actions and thoughts become clouded and an uncertainy of where I should be at in life takes over. I actually just recently experienced this. I could blame the devil for this but I take full credit for getting off the path. But thanks to a couple of wonderful friends who keep me accountable for my actions, decisions, and sometimes choice of words, I was able to get back on the path that God wants me on.

This blog really exposed a part of me that I don't feel comfortable talking about ever but when I write I feel fearless. There is something about writing (or in this case typing) that makes me feel free and boundaryless. ha, this blog probably will not get read by too many people but for you who is reading right now I want to thank you for taking the time to see what I have to say. Feel free to ask me questions. I am very open about my life and beliefs.

God Bless!

In Christ's Love,

Lizabeth Reuban

RACIST!

I belong to a minority.What I really mean is that I am Marshallese. I am a full blooded Pacific islander. I don't really belong to a minority. I belong to God, my creator. The topic of this blog entry does not have to do with racism directly. I have been discriminated against in the past because of my ethnic background but what I really want to convey to you as the reader is who I am as a Marshallese American. I hope that by reading about me and my ethnic background, you learn something about yourself. Be inspired by your native culture even if you have multiple native cultures.

Me & My Background
I grew up in a town that consisted of mostly Caucasians, African Americans, and Hispanics(Mexican, Peruvian, etc.). Most people do not know of my ethnic background; not me and my ethinicty personally but of my people group, my heritage of the Republic of the Marshall Islands. The Marshall Islands are located in the Pacific Ocean close to Australia, above the equator. 

There are 33 islands, Majuro is the capitol . . .

Marshallese people are the best . . .

The Marshall Islands are part of Micronesia

Interesting Facts about the Islands:

Located 2,000 miles southwest of Hawaii

Population ~ 50,000, spread across 33 islands grouped into two parallel chains.

Sixty percent of the population lives in one of two urban centers.

There is little diversity in edible fruits and vegetables, and therefore a limited supply of local food.

Six supermarkets and wholesale stores supply over 95 percent of all imported food consumed in the country.

Approximately 80-90 percent of all food/kcals consumed in the urban areas is supplied by imported foods.

Approximately 25-50 percent of all food/kcals consumed in the outer islands is supplied by imported foods.

Rainbows are a common sight in Majuro. Local legend tells that the expression "iaKwe!" (You are a rainbow) once developed into the traditional Marshallese greeting, "Yokwe Yuk," which means "Love to You."

**The reason I highlighted the last bullet is because my name means rainbow. The "ia" in my name means rainbow which is God's symbol of a promise He made to Noah and everyone. His promise was that  He would never flood the earth again. I love explaining the meaning of my name to people. It brings me joy to spread God's word through a simple thing such as my name. My mom considers me her promise from God.**

Some Inspiration from a Marshallese Woman:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nm9xEB0MmKE&feature=player_embedded
^^The link above is a video that has really inspired me to research more about my native culture. The woman in the video talks about why she came to America. She came to get educated so that she may go back to the islands and help her people, my people.

Me & My Race
Many times I have claimed that I am American. I rarely claim to be Marshallese American. I think because most people have never heard of the Marshall Islands I just tell them I am a Pacific islander to make a long discussion on my ethnicity short. I orginally thought this blog entry was just going to be informative for you the ready but it has become much more than that. I have learned about my people things that I may have known but did not realize. That may not make any sense to you, but I grew up with the knowledge of the poor health among many Marshallese people. It was not until recently that I realized why my mother raised me with this mindset to be healthy and choose healthy foods. I seriously thought my mom was mean for making me eat veggies as a child but if it wasn't for her exposing me to such nutritional foods, I probably would not like spinach pizza or squash caserole.

Me & My Birth Parents
For those who may not know, I was adopted by a single woman before I was born. I have had a desire to meet my birth parents for a long time but now my desire has grown to more than that. I no longer want to just know who my birth parents are . . . I want to know who my native people are. I have always wondered what it would have been like if my birth mother Jane had never given me to my mother Bridget. I would not have an Irish last name and an odd Marshallese mixed with English first name. I do not know what my first name would have been because I was adopted before I was born. My mother (Bridget) had the honor of naming me. All I know about my birth mother is her name and her smile. I have pictures of her that I often look at. Jane Reuban  was her name. She probably has a different last name now. I believe I have her wavy, thick, black hair . . . her smile that just makes a person want to smile back, and body structure. Of course I have made these comparisons with pictures of her so I could be totally wrong. haha. One day, I may not be able to meet her, but I plan on meeting others like her, others like me. Tan skin, round nose, funky personality, and a love of food. That is my stereo-type for my people. lol.

I know that not many people will read this but for you who has read it, I thank you and only hope that you learned something from reading my words. I also hope this entry was not a bore to you. haha. I can be a little bit of a babble, but that is the beauty of blogs. They were invented for talkative people like me. Of course talkative as in communicative in the form of writing words and not just speaking them. Wow, I hope that makes sense. Well God Bless You!


**Please pray for my friend Jandi Potts who is going through some health issues. She has a huge heart for missions and despite catching a parasite on a missions trip to Kenya over the summer she still has her heart set on full-time missions overseas.**

KaDeLi

This year at Liberty has been stressful yes. I cannot deny that the work load is more than last year's. But one thing I have failed to mention is my roommates. They deserve a lot of credit for relieving much of my stress. They really crack me up. I literally can't breathe sometimes because of their ridiculousness. Oh my goodness they sometimes are huge butts but only because I have really bad habits. I seriously don't know how they put up with some of my ridiculousness.

But I am very thankful for their patience(most of the time they are at least),

 integrity(they stay true to their word and seriously are two of the most trustworthy people I know),

sincerity(they sincerely care for others and are not self-absorbed),





and they are also hilarious.

Without this quality they would not be the same. They both enjoy music but beyond the appreciation for music, they know how to cut up and sing out of tune just because it's fun. It's annoying to others but so funny to us. There are many other funny qualities in them but too many to list. I just want to dedicate this blog entry to Katie and Deana.



Thanks for putting up with me and for living with me this year! :) I love you guys so much!

Overwhelmed

Life can be overwhelming. Having to deal with college; the assignments, projects, quizzes, tests, and due dates. Trying to stay in touch with loved ones; making the occasional phone call, sending hand written letters, skyping, emailing, road trip visits, etc. And making sure you remember to register to vote, get money to do your laundry, make sure you don't go over the limit on your debit card(financing in general really), keeping your promises/commitments ranging from giving a friend a ride to volunteer work at church, and so many other things. It is easy to take time to think about what you want and desire. But it can be difficult remembering all these things when you begin to dream of how you wish your life was. As someone who is forgetful easily I am the type of person who just dreams and loses focus on priorities. I am in between a good student and a slacker of a student. As far a friend, I try to be a good friend but I cannot be there for everyone like I desire to be. I forget to call someone, write them a response letter, and even pray for them. As a daughter, I try my best to not be a spender of money that is given to me by my parent. I try to be successful in my academics. I call my mom as often as I can to stay in touch with her. As a follower of Christ I cannot say that I am successful in following His will. What I mean by that is that I struggle on a daily basis in keeping focus on what I need to do. I slack off in reading my bible some days. I forget to pray for someone who really needs it. I forget to pray for myself even. My mornings do not always start off the way I desire but no matter the circumstances I have no reason not to give thanks to God. I am a terrible example to my friends who are not believers. Just being a morally good influence does not spread God's word. It takes more than just holding a door open or feeding the hungry. In a lot of cases God opens hearts to His word and people tend to ask why you are being so kind. But there have been so many times when I have seen people who needed more than just a hug. People need words of encouragement and words of hope. I want my life to reflect the One who saved me; not the one who is constantly dragging me down. I want my life to reflect the person I need to be and not the person I have been. Regardless of the things that overwhelm me in life, I have no excuse for not being a good Daughter of Christ. What is your definition of good? The word is not limited to what I believe. How can you be a better person? What areas in your life do you need to work on? Don't limit your weaknesses to physical and social.

Isaiah 41:10
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Navajo Nation is a pretty neat place

The language spoken by the Navajo is quite interesting and beautiful. When one first hears a foreign tongue his/her thoughts are taken to a science fiction dream. One thinks of aliens from another planet. But when one listens carefully he/she can really feel the rhythm, the emotion, and the depth of the language being spoken. There are so many things that make a language much more than just words that are spoken for the sole purpose of communicating. The language of the Navajo is not smooth like Spanish. It is not rough like Russian either. It sounds like a beating drum with an occasional squeak from the wind.
I have spent the past two weeks with my mom on an Indian Reservation in Arizona. The skies are endless and beautiful. The land is very dry and seems barren. I love it here. There is always something to look at. The colors are much different than the colors back home in Georgia. The whole reason I love home is because it is green. And green has been my favorite color for as long as I can remember because I have always preferred to be out doors than inside watching t.v. Now I can say that I have a new appreciation for the colors God has put out here. I love the way shadows form on a rock or a canyon. It's just beautiful how God has sculpted the land here. I hope to one day come back here because I truly love this place. Soon, though, I will be back in Virginia battling my second year at Liberty University with some amazing friends and hopefully new friends.

Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Crazy or Blessed?

It's amazing when you wake up with a certain verse from the bible in your head . . . I woke up and heard God, I really heard Him give me a verse to look up and it was exactly what I needed to read. Call me crazy but I believe everyone should wake up at least 5mins before they normally do to read the bible. Its the perfect time to get into God's word :)

My Story

      I've been debating on how to write this blog. I've wanted to share my entire testimony for a long time. I needed to do some serious growing up before I could find words to fill in the last few paragraphs though. Many who know me know the basics of my background. I was adopted by a single woman who was once married long before she had children. None of us children are her biological offspring but we might as well be. I have four siblings. Jacqueline, Priscilla, Zeder, and Lucas. I do have a younger sister, Meanalynn, but she never grew up with the four of us. I'll get back to how we are all related later in this blog.
     My walk with God began when I was about eight years old. My family began attending a predominately chocolate people southern Baptist church. Before that we had attended a few catholic churches. My mom was just getting into God's word more indepthly so her search for a church that taught us God's word for what it is was just beginning. After a couple of years at this Baptist church I began asking my mother questions about God and why He loved us. Of course I asked questions that couldn't be answered so I began praying to God for answers. I was so young but I truly felt God's presence and His love for me. My mom took me to the pastor of the church and we talked about me being baptized. Before I was able to get baptized at that church my mom felt God leading us to another church for reasons I am unsure of. We then began attending a Pentacostal church. It was a small church and there were a mixture of flavors in this church. I felt comfortable at this church but my walk with God didn't continue like it should have. There were not many children my age. My mom's walk grew for sure. I could see it in her everyday. It was encouraging to see her grow but I wasn't getting what she got out of that church. It was almost as if I was just going to please my mom rather than to seek God. We attended that church for a couple of years and then were lead to a predominately vanilla baptist church. My best friend as well as many of my classmates attended this church. I didn't feel at home or comfortable at this church but for some reason I was growing and seeking God rather than just attending services. I loved Sunday school the most. Though I never was close friends with my classmates, my best friend and I had a great time together. I loved my Sunday school teachers as well. My family continued attending this church from the time I was going into middle school to the time I was a junior in high school. Throughout those years I felt God leading me to talk to the pastor of the church(we went through quite a few diff pastors during those years) about getting baptized. I knew Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I understood what it meant to be a Christian, and I knew with a shadow of a doubt that God exists and loves me and created me. But . . . there is always a but . . . I kept putting off God's call to getting baptized at that church. I didn't like the people in my youth group, my classmates, because they were all hypocritcal in my eyes. They weren't acting like followers of God when we were not in church. I was also never invited to any of their "parties". I wasn't exactly upset about that though. I would not have fit in with their lifestyles. Not all of the people in the youth were of that nature. I also didn't want to be labled as Baptist. There is nothing wrong with being Baptist but I just wanted to be a Christian. I do not want to be put into a category under Christianity. Too many times are people asked what denomonation of Christianity they are and too many times they are judged or stereotyped for being of a certain denomonation. I felt that I could be a better witness of God's love by just simplying stating that I am Christian. If someone wants to know more I shall explain to them my exact view and beliefs.
     I was baptized my first semester here at college. I attend Liberty University. I went through a believer's baptism ceremony with several other people around my age. Some were new believers and others were just like me and had never taken the next step in their walk with Christ. I do have to tell you that a weight was lifted off of me. I was so happy to finally share my faith with hundreds of my brothers/sisters-in-Christ without fear and without hesitation. Here at Liberty we are assigned to prayer groups as resident students. My prayer leader was the person I shared my desire to be baptized. She was so happy to hear about my desire. It was she who gave me courage to email the school about getting baptized. My mom was super happy to hear about my baptism. She came up to see me. I was so happy she came. It was she who taught me of the love of God. It was she who taught me the importance of reading God's word daily. It was her who showed me love in this world before I could see God's love and truly grasp it.
     My years growing up were not of the norm. My family went through a lot of issues of all kinds. My oldest sister had a problem with debt but she got herself out of it with the guidance of my mother. My other sister Priscilla married an abusive man and fled from him. She tried to divorce him but he would never sign the papers. To this day we are not sure if they ever officially divorced. Priscilla abandoned her boyfriend of a few years in Arkansas for unknown reasons and now lives in the Marshall Islands. Her son who was fostered by her and her ex-boyfriend now lives with her biological mother. My brother Zeder was an alcoholic for sometime and never got help for it. He now is living a more responsible life in Arkansas with his current girlfriend who is expecting a child in the fall of 2011. He had a daughter with his ex-girlfriend but things are a bit hostile between them. My brother Lucas had a few addictions that he got help for. He went through a rehab program in Woodstock, Ga that was associated with an amazing church, First Baptist Woodstock.
     As for me, I never went through a life-altering trial. My issues were with myself and with God. There were times in my life that I felt so alone and the only way I knew I wasn't was by God putting people in my life to show me so. I spoke to God on a daily basis throughout my middle school years. My mom gave my other siblings a lot of attention because of the trials they all went through. There was a night that I was crying to God about how neglected I felt. My mom came into my room later that evening and started crying. She said she was sorry for being such a terrible mother to me. She said she had been giving a lot of attention to my brothers and felt that she wasn't being a good mother to me. I of course told her that she wasn't a bad mother and that it was okay. I told her I was okay. I cried more that night after she prayed a blessing over me. God knew what I needed and the time that I needed it. I knew my siblings needed my mom's attention more than I did. I had many friends that sort of adopted me into their families. I am so grateful for them. The love that God showed me was that of the unconditional sort. Though I was not blood related to any of my friends and their families, they still loved me as if I were their blood. So many have shown me unconditional love and I have only wanted to give back and reflect the influence they have had upon me.
     There is much more detail to my testimony so if you have any questions feel free to leave a comment or email me at liliia_rocks@yahoo.com. Thanks for reading!

Teenage Love

It seems like yesterday that I was dreaming of a long future with my ex-boyfriend. I knew he and I were not going to last but it was the dreaming that kept me hopeful. We were like best friends. We were completely different but had the best time talking. We could be silly and serious. My heart would race every time I'd hear my phone ring because I knew it was him calling. He loved my smiles and loved mocking me. He made me laugh. He'd sing and I'd shake my head, secretly liking his cute off key voice.  His deep voice gave me chills that heated my heart. We'd talk about our faith and felt completely comfortable talking about most things. It was a simple message on facebook that started our friendship. We lasted for what seemed like years but was only months in reality. Two and a half months of talking and flirting lead to a month long intimate relationship. He respected me and treated me dearly. We only kissed twice, a peck on the lips each time. He was more experienced as some may say than I. He regretted his past and I just accepted it. We shared so many deep thoughts and a few deep regrets. My relationship with him was just a taste of what a healthy long-term relationship should be. We had our issues that probably lead to our breakup. I looked at it as just a chapter that needed to end rather than continue into a depressing heart ache. After all, I would be moving three states north in just a few short months. I did not want what we had to end because of the distance and I did not want it to end because we felt tied down. I wanted our relationship to end on a good note. That sounds ridiculous but I was a young dreamer. A hippie at heart that only wanted peace, love, and happiness. I split in fear of drama. Teenage love is not meant to last forever but its meant to be an experience that will help guide people into healthy and more mature relationships as we become adults. That doesn't really happen in reality always but in my case my past relationships have helped me develop a better sense of how future love bugs should drive. I give credit to God for helping me make tough decisions when it comes to attachments with the opposite sex. I find that the more physical you are with a person, the harder it is to get over him or her. Don't fret, I'm proud to say I'm a virgin and plan to stay that way until after I'm married. God's plan is my plan.

>>>I wrote this during my first couple of months as a freshman in college. I really felt that I should repost it on blogspot. I had forgotten that I wrote this.<<<

A blog from my xanga accout . . . "Fatherless yet never Fatherless"

One of my friends here is so loving and kind towards his dad in prison. I would give anything to have a dad that I could love like that. Growing up with just a mom was not terrible but I would not recommend single women to adopt. Children need a father to grow socially and spiritually in a healthy way. Its by the grace of God that I am the way I am today. I still would have preferred to grow up having an earthly father. But I am thankful I have my heavenly Father my Lord and Savior.  I've never shared these feelings with anyone but I have no reason to keep it to myself. Since Thanksgiving is coming up soon, I would like to thank God for giving me such a loving mother who would probably die for all of her children. She's been nothing but a blessing to us and no amount of thanksgiving can express the gratitude I have for her.

Thanksgiving and Praise

Love is the only measurement I have for you

Love is the only way I can express my gratitude

Love is the only way to reach my goal in life

Love is the only measurement I have that amounts to my feelings for you

Keep me close and never let go

Keep me warm and I will stay

Keep me here and never let die

Keep me safe and I will pray

Thanksgiving and Praise I give to thee

My Lord, my Savior, You are the wind to my mill

My Lord, my Savior, You are my guide of this tour called life

Thanksgiving and Praise I shout to thee

God you are my Father in Heaven and on earth

I love You more than water in a drought,

more than food for the hungry, words cannot express the love that is You

You are the air I need to breathe and the light I need to see

I just wrote this poem. I was inspired to write this blog by a good friend of my roommate. I pray that your relationship with your dad continues to grow and that you would both be blessings to each other. God has truly worked in your lives. I also pray that your brother would see the good in both you and your dad. I think its great that you're dad desires to share Christ and that you have the tools by which he can learn to do so. 

Thanks everyone for reading this! I love you! and remember . . .

Jesus loves you more!!

One of my inspirations

Adele has such an amazing voice and so much emotion. I feed off of emotion. My personal favorite writings of my own are those inspired by passion and emotion.

Inspired by Adele and a storm

"Stormy Thinking"
So I'm sitting on my bed and there's a storm outside.
I'm dreaming of a day, a place, a face, a time where there's me and you.
Looking out at the rain, the way it doesn't just fall.
It gets dragged in all directions by the wind.
My heart once loved but never completely set itself free.
I'm making a promise to not let myself hold back next time.
I'll guard my heart but not to the point I push you away.
I'm guess what I'm trying to say is that I miss you and I'm sorry.
I've been changing and growing in ways that only God is aware of.
I've kept many feelings locked inside and its time I stop sharing only with God.
He never left any of His feelings unknown to us.
I am striving to be a better friend, a better daughter, and a better woman of God.
Many a times I find myself thinking about what could have been but now I'm thinking of what could be.
My goals are no longer of what would please my peers but merely what would please God and what would please me.
I'm not just "doin me" because I could never be self-centered in such a way but I am doing more to help myself grow and mature.
So back to those rain drops and the chaos they seem to be in.
They don't just fall but when they fall the allow a greater force to take over and pull and whip them into all directions.
It's time I let God pull and whip me in all directions other than my own.
He is my wind and my savior.
He has saved me from a fall that just goes straight into the ground.
With Him I can go anywhere and anywhere is where I want to be rather than splattered into many pieces on the ground.
I hope to land in a field of flowers so that another life can live and flourish.

What is a friend?

What is a friend?

Is a friend a dependant, a person in need that we need?
Is a friend a character, a person unique, original, one of a kind?
Is a friend a lable, an ideal person but nonexistant?

A friend is a midnight phone call, a warm blanket, a soothing voice
A friend is a cup of tea, a nice big hug, a favorite by choice
A friend is a reality, a chain of memories, a super hero
A friend is a box of kleenx, a stack of magazines, a gallon of ice cream
A friend is a pair of eyes, a solid foundation, a sweet sweet dream

So is it materials that we consider friends?
Or is it the people who provide materials that we consider friends?
Intention is the key ingredient to what makes a friend a true friend.
So the question is not what, but merely why?

New to BlogSpot

This is my first blogspot account. I have never really blogged unless you count Xanga. lol. I usually write poetry on the posts I would put up on Xanga. I am very much in love with poetry/song lyrics. My best poems are those written from experience. My passion for writing is not as great as my passion for reaching out to people. I love making new friends and learning new things from them. I am currently a college student at the largest Christian University in the world. I am not ashamed to say I love it here. Many people develop opinions on my college without even visiting. If you can't handle rules that are not even that difficult to follow then my school is not for you. Many have said that they couldn't handle curfew. That is crazy. I really don't care about having a curfew at midnight. I mean I am in bed by that time or shortly after. I gosta get my sleep for them A.M. classes. Well I really didn't write this blog to be something others can relate to. I just wanted to put something up so that I can have at least something on this site. lol. But in the future I shall be writing poetry, stories of my past possibly, stories of the present possibly, and anything that I feel the passion to write about. Until then . . . Latazz :)