I know I joke about who I will end up marrying but I finally feel at peace about being single. I know that my future relationship with a guy will come in God's timing. As much as I hate going against my fleshly desires, I know that at the end of the day I made decisions that are pleasing to God. And that is all I want. I want to please the Lord in all areas of my life. It is hard and I do not succeed in pleasing Him with all that I do but I do try to make a conscious effort to correct myself when I know I’m about to make a bad decision. When I came to Liberty University I thought that I would end up dating different types of guys. A lot of people do end up dating around and many end up in long-term relationships. I am not one of those people. I first had to break out of my shy shell to even make friends. It was difficult at first but only because I didn’t know how to be my own self around strangers. I am so conscious about my actions and words when I am with unfamiliar people. I don’t want to offend people or leave a bad impression on anyone. I want to please everyone in a way. I want to be able to relate to them. So as many other shy people, I am quiet and observant around those I do not know well. After my first year at Liberty I finally made a community of friends that I could call my own. I did not date anyone but I did not care. I was so happy to have come out of my shy shell and actually be known as outgoing. Some people may even consider me as “out there”. LoL.
My summer after freshman year was quite the experience. I decided to live with family in Arkansas. I lived with my Uncle George and his family. They are so loving and Christ-centered. My best friend cousin is also in this family. He was probably a big reason I chose to live in Arkansas. Growing up, he and I would always play together during family reunions. We did just about everything together. Because we weren’t the same gender there was a time when we were not as close in our friendship. But we both grew up in strong Christian homes and have become strong believers in our own personal walk with God. My best friend cousin (bfc) and I are still very close. We talk to each other about a lot of things. It is so good to get a guy’s perspective on life without having to worry about crossing boundaries. My bfc is like a brother to me. It would be very awkward if I were to just talk to a guy friend about some of the things my bfc and I talk about. Now when I say “things” I mean our personal lives and the problems we face or even life lessons we’ve learned from not so good experiences that we probably would not share with too many people. My summer also included a short-term relationship that I did not plan or expect to take place. I do not regret it but I do wish that I would have really taken into more consideration the distance that would come between us when summer ended. I broke off our relationship mostly because of the distance between us and partly because I felt God leading me to be single. I was not sure why God was leading me to break up with this guy. He was everything I had prayed for as far as a strong Christian man who loved the Lord. He had qualities that attracted me in ways that other guys lacked. Unfortunately, I was not as ready as he was to commit to a long-term, long-distance relationship. I have realized that my walk with God is not where I want it to be as an individual. I have certain issues I need to work through before entering a serious relationship with a guy. I also want to accomplish things such as getting a college degree and travel places like Europe or maybe even the Marshall Islands before I enter into an intimate relationship with a guy. I know that may sound ridiculous but I've always imagined doing so many things as a single woman. I'm not huge on promoting women's independency (lack of needing a man or our parents to depend on for things). I am not trying to send that message in this blog entry. Hopefully God's will is what I am following. In seeking His word every day and praying not just for myself but for the lives I interact with every day I feel that His will for me will be clear. But when I slack in doing such simple tasks I know that I fall and my actions and thoughts become clouded and an uncertainy of where I should be at in life takes over. I actually just recently experienced this. I could blame the devil for this but I take full credit for getting off the path. But thanks to a couple of wonderful friends who keep me accountable for my actions, decisions, and sometimes choice of words, I was able to get back on the path that God wants me on.
This blog really exposed a part of me that I don't feel comfortable talking about ever but when I write I feel fearless. There is something about writing (or in this case typing) that makes me feel free and boundaryless. ha, this blog probably will not get read by too many people but for you who is reading right now I want to thank you for taking the time to see what I have to say. Feel free to ask me questions. I am very open about my life and beliefs.
God Bless!
In Christ's Love,
Lizabeth Reuban
