Challenge not exactly accepted

I have been inevitably challenged to do the ALS ice bucket challenge. I have debated how I was going to handle this. I cannot donate money because I honestly am on the receiving end at this point in my life. I have debt to pay thanks to college. I'm thankful I got to experience higher education but it doesn't make the stress of student loans go away. So instead of doing the ice bucket challenge and donating OR avoiding the challenge and donating a large sum, I have decided to put myself in the shoes of someone who is suffering from this horrible disease. I've read up on a few daily challenges that  they endure. It isn't going to be easy. It isn't going to be quick. I think this is going to be a slow, mostly mental process. Considering it is a brain and spinal cord disease, I will have to use my brain and truly concentrate on only what someone with ALS CAN concentrate on. I always use the expression “I can’t imagine” and today I'm going to try. No more sympathy, only empathy. 

HERE is an article I read that opened my eyes a little. 
HERE is another article full of facts about ALS.

Video of my challenge HERE

Blogging

I can't believe I haven't blogged in so long. A mixture of feeling uninspired and timid has kept me from writing. I admit I also have been in this self battle that never seems to go anywhere. Its like watching a tv series that you hate but can't stop watching. Sometimes when you are feeling drained, you can go weeks without watching but it always ends up on your tv at some point in the future.

Maybe that was a terrible analogy. I don't really know these days. I'm lost. I have several blogs. I have two that I just post poetry on. One blog that I repost nerdy random things on. Another that I talk only about my life as an adoptee. This one is sort of a conglomerate of any and all things I am inspired to write. In the past I have posted poetry. I also have put up an abbreviated version of my adoption story. My last post was an excerpt of this story I was writing. I have written a lot more to the story but it's not worth reading (in my personal opinion).

Wow. Describing my different blogs makes me think of my Pinterest account. The categories, the randomness, the not so randomness...my life is sort of a messy pinterest account. Take out pinterest account...my life is a mess. Just a messy mess.

The death of famous actor Robin Williams has gotten me in this weird mood. I'm sad. Very sad that he is gone. I thought he was a beautiful soul. His smile maybe have held depression deep down but there is truth on the surface. He experienced happiness in those smiles and laughs. It may have been brief but I am trying to hold on to the idea of him being happy when he smiled. I don't know anything about his personal life. I'm sure not many do. Reading a bio about him does no justice to what his spirit was. I usually read a full written history of a famous person when they pass. I'm sure a lot of people do. I imagine people make money off of dead famous people (other than magazines). I think I will pass on reading about Robin. I know enough of what he wanted me to know. His works on movie screens and television. That is not all that he was but it is all that I can understand of him. He was an AMAZING actor and comedian and entertainer in general.

I'm not sure where I am going in this post. I think this is where I shall end. Consider this a random blog post. It's just a kick-starter for me. I hope I can get back in the groove of writing. Maybe I will even write regularly on here. Who knows? (aside from God...lol)

An Exerpt from My Unwritten Book

"I look down too much. So, sometimes I come here to look up…to remind myself that there is an up and not just a down." -from my unwritten book

I have so many random thoughts that go through my mind. I sometimes write down what my imagination brings me. Yes, I have conversations with myself sometimes. This quote stems from a scene that is as follows:

"There was a relief about the air that evening. I walked down to the river, which was a mighty long walk considering it took me three hours to get there. When I reached the rock I intended on settling on there was no one around. It was the perfect night to star gaze in silence and solitude. I quite liked my time alone. No questions were asked of me and no eyes fell hard on me like a bowling ball to its pins. My tension from the surgery was gone but the pain was still present. So I layed my body on the rock and began to wonder into the black and into the twinkling stars.
I was interrupted after, who-knows-how-long, by a familiar voice. My friend Olausse was meeting up with some friends. The river is a popular place especially on a summer night like this one. He didn’t recognize me at first but shined his light on me quickly to find out. Unfortunately for me I had my eyes closed and my clothes were lying next to me. I was planning on skinny dipping after my star-gazing phase of a daze was over. I did manage to leave my underwear on, much to both his and my relief. I screamed, ‘eeeeahhh! Um…well this is..umm. Who are you?!’ His immediate reply, ‘what the heck are you doing out here naked??!’ I knew instantly who it was. You can imagine how I responded. I obviously wasn’t naked…not completely at least. I explained myself as did he explain himself. Then he asked why I came alone. I wasn’t sure how to answer. I do this thing where I have long silent pauses between every one or three words when I’m not sure what to say to someone. He in turn was agitated and eager for an answer. He also saw the scar from my surgery. I was mortified. I hadn’t planned on telling anyone, especially a friend from home, about my tragic fail of a surgery to save my degenerating body. But I managed to give a general answer as to why I had come alone. ‘I look down too much. So, sometimes I come here to look up…to remind myself that there is an up and not just a down. And its a magnificently beautiful up at that.' "

Check out this same post on my Tumblr(lol):
Unwritten Book

Sarah's in Africa

This is my friend Sarah's blog who is currently doing her internship in Burkina Faso. She's always inspiring!
four.nineteen: 5-1-2013: Bonjour! So, I'm not totally sure when this will get posted, but I wanted to update you all since it's been a while. It'...

Oh the Lies We Believe

One of the first lies I began to believe when I was a child was that if I had a different, more normal family...my life would have been better. I listened to the lie that my family was the reason I had a void in my heart. I believed that if I had two parents, my loneliness would cease. Statistics told me that my belief was true but reality was telling me that my emptiness was not going to be filled be any one person. My life was not completed nor can it be by my family or friends. I know I am loved but the only love that seemed to make a difference in my life was the love of God. I truly believe that if I hadn't grown to know who God was and is then my road would have stayed beaten and impassable. Getting over the rocks and hopping over the ruts in the road has not been easy. Love is a discipline. When I found true love (Christ's love) I wasn't sure how He would fit into my daily routine. I wasn't sure if talking to Him throughout the day as if He were right beside me was normal. I wasn't sure if singing praises in my yard with tears streaming down my cheeks was enough for Him to see and know my deep gratitude and love for His grace on me. Between the tears and the praying, somewhere along the way I stopped seeking the Lord. I still prayed when I remembered to or when I knew I couldn't control something that I so desperately wanted to control. I have committed many sins but every day God forgives. Every hour God forgives. He amazes me every day by His grace. It wasn't until college that I began to truly become discipline in my faith. I know most people lose all ties to their faith when they go to college...but I go to an unusually Christ-centered university. Every decision this college makes is prayerfully made. The professors all have an evident love for the Lord. They even invite students over for bible studies and dinners. There is a overwhelmingly strange and inviting atmosphere here. I have multiple people in my life here who genuinely care for me and literally pray for me every day and week. I am fed many encouraging scriptures and wisdoms every week. I wish I were exaggerating but alas I am not. This University is nothing but a place of spiritual growth and a great place to get grounded in your faith. May the Lord never leave Liberty and forever have God-fearing leaders. May all who attend Liberty or just visit find the lies in their life and choose to believe in the only thing for sure...God's love for them.

Distance

Click Me! I'm a song about Distance :)
Often, distance takes a toll on relationships. Whether the relationship is between you and a friend or you and a family member...the pain of being apart takes over when memories cease to satisfy withdrawal moments. Though there is joy in the Lord, there is still pain on this earth. Emotional pain can seem much worse than grave physical pain. Sometimes emotional pain causes physical pain. This is the part of life no one likes to talk about let alone read about. But this is what my blog is about: writing whatever I have weighing on my chest to be pushed onto paper/digital paper. I have many loved ones who I am often apart from. I dedicate this post to those loved ones. They have been such amazing support in my crazy life.

Lyrics to the song:

Near or Far by Carissa Rae
 VERSE:
I’M HERE, YOU’RE THERE
BUT YOUR LOVE IS WITH ME EVERYWHERE I GO
THIS I KNOW
I’M NEAR YOU’RE FAR
DRIVIN’ AWAY IN YOUR LITTLE CAR
BUT MY LOVE WILL FOLLOW YOU EVERYWHERE

PRE-CHORUS
BEST BELIEVE I’LL MAKE MISTAKES
BUT LOVE WON’T STOP IT HAS NO BRAKES

CHORUS:
STRONG IS WHAT WE ARE
WHENEVER WE’RE APART
I’LL BE RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE
I’M IN YOUR HEART
SO DON’T YOU WORRY ‘BOUT A THING
OR ALL THE MILES IN BETWEEN
YOU HAD MY HEART
YOU HAD IT FROM THE START
I’LL LOVE YOU FROM AFAR

VERSE:
I HEAR THEM SAY
THAT WHAT WE HAVE MADE FADE AWAY
BUT I REFUSE
WE’LL NEVER LOSE
THEY SAY IT’S A CASE
OF THE HONEYMOON PHASE
BUT I JUST SMILE
‘CAUSE I KNOW THIS WILL LAST A WHILE

PRE-CHORUS:
UNDERSTAND YOU’LL MAKE MISTAKES
BUT LOVE WON’T STOP IT HAS NO BRAKES

CHORUS:
STRONG IS WHAT WE ARE
WHENEVER WE’RE APART
I’LL BE RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE
I’M IN YOUR HEART
SO DON’T YOU WORRY ‘BOUT A THING
OR ALL THE MILES IN BETWEEN
YOU HAD MY HEART
YOU HAD IT FROM THE START
I’LL LOVE YOU FROM A..

BRIDGE:
FAR OR NEAR AND EVERYWHERE
I KNOW THAT YOU WILL STILL BE THERE
DEEP INSIDE MY HEART
INSIDE MY HEART

CHORUS:
STRONG IS WHAT WE ARE
WHENEVER WE’RE APART
I’LL BE RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE
I’M IN YOUR HEART
SO DON’T YOU WORRY ‘BOUT A THING
OR ALL THE MILES IN BETWEEN
HAD MY HEART
YOU HAD IT FROM THE START
I’LL LOVE YOU FROM AFAR

Liberty University

I love Liberty University. The amazing atmosphere filled with genuine friendship, family as a student body, truly caring professors, bomb leadership...the list goes on. It could just be my positive look on life, but I believe Liberty was the best fit for my first 3 years of college. My friends here are for sure lifetime friends. I try to keep in touch with all that I meet. Sometimes I don't even become friends with those around me until after we're living in different states and/or countries. I want to thank everyone who has blessed me in Lynchburg by being a part of my growth in a few of the most influential years of my life. I could never have asked for a better university to find who I am and ask the tough questions of life. This is me announcing my last month here this semester as my last month of residency. I don't know where I'm going but I know that God is guiding me and continually molding me into who He wants me to be. I will miss everything about this campus, the good and the bad. I could never take for granted the blessing that is this place. I love you Liberty and I love you who have faith in the most powerful and gracious God and those who don't share the same faith. You've made my college experience amazing!

Yours Truly,

                     Liliia Lizabeth Walsh